Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Puddle
Every year on Boxing Day we would pack our bags and head off to Mathoura for our two week vacation. My mom, dad, sister, the dog and I would pile into the big white valiant with an over-filled blue trailer attached, ready for a four hour trip. We would arrive at Willow Bend first and were later joined a few days later by my Uncle, Auntie, and cousins, Kane and Amy.
We stayed in a humble log cabin known as “Acacia.” All of the cabins had names and were very old and rustic inside and out. Warm showers were made with burning logs and curtains took the place of bedroom doors.
The dunny was far away from the cabin, a tiny solitary building consisting of an old-fashioned toilet with a chain-link flush. We would often find frogs in there and lizards everywhere else.
Willow Bend is situated right on the Murray River and we had a lot of fun swimming there. This year had been very dry due to a nationwide drought. My cousin Kane and I were only nine years old and full of mischief and adventure. Everything was a game to us and we couldn’t wait to start playing.
Every morning Kane and I would wake up early and ride our bikes to the kiosk at Picnic Point Caravan Park. This was our daily ritual – in return for purchasing much needed bread, milk and the morning paper we would get money for ice-creams. Friscos were our favorites.
On this particular morning, as we weaved through the dense trees on this tiny bush track, we were forced to stop. There, before us lay the biggest puddle we had ever seen. The most amazing stretch of water we had ever seen. We stared in awe at this gigantic pool. It was clearly very deep and ready to be desecrated.
We must have spent a solid hour powering through the mud on our bikes and splashing through the water, creating massive cascades of sludge. Every inch of us was brown and we were saturated with joy. We screamed loudly as the water parted and entered our mouths, splashing our faces. We couldn’t believe that we had found the only puddle on the drought-stricken countryside.
By the time we got home we were covered in filth and higher than kites. Our parents were less than impressed. They made us shower and change before lunch. My dad refused to believe that such a puddle existed in this dry weather. He thought perhaps we’d been playing in the cabin owners’ fish pond. We promised fervently that we weren’t and begged him to come with us the following day to witness the miracle himself. Dad agreed.
The next day we eagerly led him down the bike track towards the phenomenal puddle. Our excitement grew as we came closer to the area. We could not wait to prove him wrong.
“Here it is!” We announced proudly, when we finally reached our destination.
My dad’s expression changed from disbelief to shock.
“Not here!” He bellowed. “You didn’t ride around in this, surely?”
“Why?” I asked, confused and disappointed by his reaction. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s not a puddle. That’s sewerage.”
We stayed in a humble log cabin known as “Acacia.” All of the cabins had names and were very old and rustic inside and out. Warm showers were made with burning logs and curtains took the place of bedroom doors.
The dunny was far away from the cabin, a tiny solitary building consisting of an old-fashioned toilet with a chain-link flush. We would often find frogs in there and lizards everywhere else.
Willow Bend is situated right on the Murray River and we had a lot of fun swimming there. This year had been very dry due to a nationwide drought. My cousin Kane and I were only nine years old and full of mischief and adventure. Everything was a game to us and we couldn’t wait to start playing.
Every morning Kane and I would wake up early and ride our bikes to the kiosk at Picnic Point Caravan Park. This was our daily ritual – in return for purchasing much needed bread, milk and the morning paper we would get money for ice-creams. Friscos were our favorites.
On this particular morning, as we weaved through the dense trees on this tiny bush track, we were forced to stop. There, before us lay the biggest puddle we had ever seen. The most amazing stretch of water we had ever seen. We stared in awe at this gigantic pool. It was clearly very deep and ready to be desecrated.
We must have spent a solid hour powering through the mud on our bikes and splashing through the water, creating massive cascades of sludge. Every inch of us was brown and we were saturated with joy. We screamed loudly as the water parted and entered our mouths, splashing our faces. We couldn’t believe that we had found the only puddle on the drought-stricken countryside.
By the time we got home we were covered in filth and higher than kites. Our parents were less than impressed. They made us shower and change before lunch. My dad refused to believe that such a puddle existed in this dry weather. He thought perhaps we’d been playing in the cabin owners’ fish pond. We promised fervently that we weren’t and begged him to come with us the following day to witness the miracle himself. Dad agreed.
The next day we eagerly led him down the bike track towards the phenomenal puddle. Our excitement grew as we came closer to the area. We could not wait to prove him wrong.
“Here it is!” We announced proudly, when we finally reached our destination.
My dad’s expression changed from disbelief to shock.
“Not here!” He bellowed. “You didn’t ride around in this, surely?”
“Why?” I asked, confused and disappointed by his reaction. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s not a puddle. That’s sewerage.”
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Rainbow Connection: Interview with a Rehab patient
For someone who has had an extremely life changing year, 28 year old, Daniel Brauman seems quite relaxed. He is 58 days sober when I interview him on weekend release from Overdale Rehabilitation Center which is run by the Salvation Army. This is the longest time he has been sober in at least 12 years. I began by asking him what had been the deciding factor for him to go into rehab.
“Um, I was going to AA [Alcoholics Anonymous],” Daniel begins, nervously. “But it wasn’t working for me. I was getting more stressed out trying to get to the meetings… trying to work… and more confused… more fucked up than I was when I was drinking. Finally, after speaking to one of the members, he suggested I go into rehab and then I knew that was what I had to do.”
Brauman looks back at his past and how messy it was on drugs and alcohol. He never took responsibility for his own actions, always blaming others for his misery. Whether it was his past classmates, family, friends, work colleagues, housemates or even just general passers by in his pathway of destruction, he says; “I had an excuse for every moment of my pathetic existence.”
“I couldn’t tell you how many times I was arrested because I honestly don’t know,” He continues, reflectively. “I did so many disgusting things during this dark and miserable period of my life… Somehow through this, there was always poor Daniel. The one who was badly done by was always in the right. I attempted suicide a few times – poor Daniel. I ended up penniless and homeless but I knew I didn’t want to die.” Daniel admits that he finally hit rock bottom and that he probably needed to in order to get help.
When I ask him how his life is now, after 29 days of rehab, he smiles ruefully. “This is me facing reality… having to accept that I am an addict/alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do [and I] have to be honest with myself and face it head on… I am now living my life as I have never lived it before.”
Daniel is happy to have finally found a hobby in arts and crafts. Never one to read, he would often call people on his phone, stare aimlessly at the computer or just get drunk to kill time. He began beading and making jewelry during the time he was in detox and has become really good at this new skill. He also began painting and explains how the rainbow is very significant in his life.
“The rainbow is very calming and brings meaning to my life. Each color has its own significance.” He tells me; “The eight colors of the rainbow symbolize freedom; pink is sexuality, red is life, orange is healing, yellow is sunlight, green is nature, turquoise is magical, blue is serenity and violet is spirituality.”
The rainbow reminds Daniel of “how enjoyable life can be without drugs and alcohol and how resourceful the world is and how many people will help you along the way… So many opportunities will surface if you really want them to.”
The future is looking bright for Daniel like one of the rainbows he paints; strong, happy and loved. I ask him if he has any regrets and he shakes his head, full of certainty. He knows that he has learnt a lot from his past and without it he wouldn’t be so centered today. He is looking forward to moving to Bendigo in supported accommodation as part of the Bridge program, where he will see counselors a few times a week. Daniel is planning on studying in the future and might even try working as a drug and alcohol counselor one day – perhaps even working for the Salvos.
“The rainbow is an endless beauty,” He states, wisely. “You will always receive pots of gold along the way. However, you make the choices of your own destiny.”
He leaves me with one of his favorite quotes:
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
“Um, I was going to AA [Alcoholics Anonymous],” Daniel begins, nervously. “But it wasn’t working for me. I was getting more stressed out trying to get to the meetings… trying to work… and more confused… more fucked up than I was when I was drinking. Finally, after speaking to one of the members, he suggested I go into rehab and then I knew that was what I had to do.”
Brauman looks back at his past and how messy it was on drugs and alcohol. He never took responsibility for his own actions, always blaming others for his misery. Whether it was his past classmates, family, friends, work colleagues, housemates or even just general passers by in his pathway of destruction, he says; “I had an excuse for every moment of my pathetic existence.”
“I couldn’t tell you how many times I was arrested because I honestly don’t know,” He continues, reflectively. “I did so many disgusting things during this dark and miserable period of my life… Somehow through this, there was always poor Daniel. The one who was badly done by was always in the right. I attempted suicide a few times – poor Daniel. I ended up penniless and homeless but I knew I didn’t want to die.” Daniel admits that he finally hit rock bottom and that he probably needed to in order to get help.
When I ask him how his life is now, after 29 days of rehab, he smiles ruefully. “This is me facing reality… having to accept that I am an addict/alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do [and I] have to be honest with myself and face it head on… I am now living my life as I have never lived it before.”
Daniel is happy to have finally found a hobby in arts and crafts. Never one to read, he would often call people on his phone, stare aimlessly at the computer or just get drunk to kill time. He began beading and making jewelry during the time he was in detox and has become really good at this new skill. He also began painting and explains how the rainbow is very significant in his life.
“The rainbow is very calming and brings meaning to my life. Each color has its own significance.” He tells me; “The eight colors of the rainbow symbolize freedom; pink is sexuality, red is life, orange is healing, yellow is sunlight, green is nature, turquoise is magical, blue is serenity and violet is spirituality.”
The rainbow reminds Daniel of “how enjoyable life can be without drugs and alcohol and how resourceful the world is and how many people will help you along the way… So many opportunities will surface if you really want them to.”
The future is looking bright for Daniel like one of the rainbows he paints; strong, happy and loved. I ask him if he has any regrets and he shakes his head, full of certainty. He knows that he has learnt a lot from his past and without it he wouldn’t be so centered today. He is looking forward to moving to Bendigo in supported accommodation as part of the Bridge program, where he will see counselors a few times a week. Daniel is planning on studying in the future and might even try working as a drug and alcohol counselor one day – perhaps even working for the Salvos.
“The rainbow is an endless beauty,” He states, wisely. “You will always receive pots of gold along the way. However, you make the choices of your own destiny.”
He leaves me with one of his favorite quotes:
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
How I got my Jackass back
When I was twenty-two I had what can only be described as a nervous breakdown. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. I had been arrested and was facing court, I had lost my job and my license, and the people I thought were my friends turned out to be my enemies. Life was looking bleak. I was suicidal and desperately lonely. I had been through it all before. My high school years were a mess and I couldn’t remember the last time I was truly happy. Basically, everything was fucking shithouse.
Then, with my darkest hour upon me, a miracle emerged before me in the form of a hired video cassette. I was at a friend’s house and his sister dropped by with some movies from the local rental. I had never heard of any of them and since we decided to get stoned, I didn’t really care which one we watched. At first I thought Jackass: The Movie was some stupid action film – the kind which I hated. However, all that changed in the opening credits.
I saw a group of grown men – a motley bunch consisting of a midget, an extremely fat man, an almost nude man and several other ragamuffin type characters – riding down a hill in an over-sized shopping cart, punching each other whilst bricks exploded around them as they hurtled down the road. Then they crashed! It was fucking insane! I couldn’t stop laughing! I swear it had nothing to do with the dope…
From the first scene of the rent-a-car crash-up derby to the butt x-ray, I was completely enthralled. There is nothing funnier than watching someone stick a toy car up their ass. Memories of a time long ago before my life became so complicated came rushing back. This was me! I used to do this stuff! Of course I was younger and had no inhibitions and life was all about the next laugh. It was all about who could play the best prank, which one could be more disgusting?
I could see myself kicking my cousin into a filthy pond and laughing my ass off at his shocked face when he emerged. I remembered my friend and me covering doorknobs at school with goop and watching for people’s reactions as they placed their hands on them. We would laugh loudly from our hiding places! It was all about living in the moment – we never cared about the consequences.
That’s what “Jackass” meant to me. It made me laugh at a time when I hadn’t laughed in a very long time. From that day on I felt freer and less worried about the future. I began to take my life one day at a time AND to my parents chagrin, I started playing pranks again. Only this time my pranks were BIGGER and BETTER!
I suppose I would have gotten out of my melancholy funk eventually – Jackass just helped me out sooner. So - thank you Johnny, Bam, Steve-o, Chris, Ryan, Wee Man, Preston, Dave and Ehren – You reminded me to not take life too seriously.
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