For someone who has had an extremely life changing year, 28 year old, Daniel Brauman seems quite relaxed. He is 58 days sober when I interview him on weekend release from Overdale Rehabilitation Center which is run by the Salvation Army. This is the longest time he has been sober in at least 12 years. I began by asking him what had been the deciding factor for him to go into rehab.
“Um, I was going to AA [Alcoholics Anonymous],” Daniel begins, nervously. “But it wasn’t working for me. I was getting more stressed out trying to get to the meetings… trying to work… and more confused… more fucked up than I was when I was drinking. Finally, after speaking to one of the members, he suggested I go into rehab and then I knew that was what I had to do.”
Brauman looks back at his past and how messy it was on drugs and alcohol. He never took responsibility for his own actions, always blaming others for his misery. Whether it was his past classmates, family, friends, work colleagues, housemates or even just general passers by in his pathway of destruction, he says; “I had an excuse for every moment of my pathetic existence.”
“I couldn’t tell you how many times I was arrested because I honestly don’t know,” He continues, reflectively. “I did so many disgusting things during this dark and miserable period of my life… Somehow through this, there was always poor Daniel. The one who was badly done by was always in the right. I attempted suicide a few times – poor Daniel. I ended up penniless and homeless but I knew I didn’t want to die.” Daniel admits that he finally hit rock bottom and that he probably needed to in order to get help.
When I ask him how his life is now, after 29 days of rehab, he smiles ruefully. “This is me facing reality… having to accept that I am an addict/alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do [and I] have to be honest with myself and face it head on… I am now living my life as I have never lived it before.”
Daniel is happy to have finally found a hobby in arts and crafts. Never one to read, he would often call people on his phone, stare aimlessly at the computer or just get drunk to kill time. He began beading and making jewelry during the time he was in detox and has become really good at this new skill. He also began painting and explains how the rainbow is very significant in his life.
“The rainbow is very calming and brings meaning to my life. Each color has its own significance.” He tells me; “The eight colors of the rainbow symbolize freedom; pink is sexuality, red is life, orange is healing, yellow is sunlight, green is nature, turquoise is magical, blue is serenity and violet is spirituality.”
The rainbow reminds Daniel of “how enjoyable life can be without drugs and alcohol and how resourceful the world is and how many people will help you along the way… So many opportunities will surface if you really want them to.”
The future is looking bright for Daniel like one of the rainbows he paints; strong, happy and loved. I ask him if he has any regrets and he shakes his head, full of certainty. He knows that he has learnt a lot from his past and without it he wouldn’t be so centered today. He is looking forward to moving to Bendigo in supported accommodation as part of the Bridge program, where he will see counselors a few times a week. Daniel is planning on studying in the future and might even try working as a drug and alcohol counselor one day – perhaps even working for the Salvos.
“The rainbow is an endless beauty,” He states, wisely. “You will always receive pots of gold along the way. However, you make the choices of your own destiny.”
He leaves me with one of his favorite quotes:
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
“Um, I was going to AA [Alcoholics Anonymous],” Daniel begins, nervously. “But it wasn’t working for me. I was getting more stressed out trying to get to the meetings… trying to work… and more confused… more fucked up than I was when I was drinking. Finally, after speaking to one of the members, he suggested I go into rehab and then I knew that was what I had to do.”
Brauman looks back at his past and how messy it was on drugs and alcohol. He never took responsibility for his own actions, always blaming others for his misery. Whether it was his past classmates, family, friends, work colleagues, housemates or even just general passers by in his pathway of destruction, he says; “I had an excuse for every moment of my pathetic existence.”
“I couldn’t tell you how many times I was arrested because I honestly don’t know,” He continues, reflectively. “I did so many disgusting things during this dark and miserable period of my life… Somehow through this, there was always poor Daniel. The one who was badly done by was always in the right. I attempted suicide a few times – poor Daniel. I ended up penniless and homeless but I knew I didn’t want to die.” Daniel admits that he finally hit rock bottom and that he probably needed to in order to get help.
When I ask him how his life is now, after 29 days of rehab, he smiles ruefully. “This is me facing reality… having to accept that I am an addict/alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do [and I] have to be honest with myself and face it head on… I am now living my life as I have never lived it before.”
Daniel is happy to have finally found a hobby in arts and crafts. Never one to read, he would often call people on his phone, stare aimlessly at the computer or just get drunk to kill time. He began beading and making jewelry during the time he was in detox and has become really good at this new skill. He also began painting and explains how the rainbow is very significant in his life.
“The rainbow is very calming and brings meaning to my life. Each color has its own significance.” He tells me; “The eight colors of the rainbow symbolize freedom; pink is sexuality, red is life, orange is healing, yellow is sunlight, green is nature, turquoise is magical, blue is serenity and violet is spirituality.”
The rainbow reminds Daniel of “how enjoyable life can be without drugs and alcohol and how resourceful the world is and how many people will help you along the way… So many opportunities will surface if you really want them to.”
The future is looking bright for Daniel like one of the rainbows he paints; strong, happy and loved. I ask him if he has any regrets and he shakes his head, full of certainty. He knows that he has learnt a lot from his past and without it he wouldn’t be so centered today. He is looking forward to moving to Bendigo in supported accommodation as part of the Bridge program, where he will see counselors a few times a week. Daniel is planning on studying in the future and might even try working as a drug and alcohol counselor one day – perhaps even working for the Salvos.
“The rainbow is an endless beauty,” He states, wisely. “You will always receive pots of gold along the way. However, you make the choices of your own destiny.”
He leaves me with one of his favorite quotes:
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
No comments:
Post a Comment